It’s a weird feeling , I had so much going on the year I turned 50 it was just another birthday. It was a sort of trigger but for me in a good way. I realised that I really could choose to do what I wanted, things that added value to me for my future.
I took up sailing again, I’d not done that since I was in my early 20’s, I started on a pathway to use that towards my plan when I retire to teach sailing to children in care.
It’s a completely different career to what I’ve spent most of my working life doing as a Business Manager, I got as senior as was possible but it doesn’t add any joy to my life.
I also plan to run a 2 day Ultra Marathon next year, 20 years ago I was told I’d never manage to run a Marathon, let along 100k. Well I did two of those a couple of years ago.
As you say, we have limited time here which becomes more vivid the older we get. We need to fit in more. If we have dreams we should give them a try, I think the urgency can give us more power too.
I relate to most of these feelings and love how clearly you articulated all of it, even though I'm only a 35 year old woman because as someone who wants to be a foster and adoptive parent and who works as a non-religious funeral celebrant I'm well aware only people who are lucky live to twice my age, and even a handful of my own ancestors died in their 50s from heart attacks including my own mother. Time being limited is a constant thing on my mind and people telling me there's no biological clock for parenthood if I'm not trying to get pregnant feel wrong to me -- i don't want to be on the brink of death while my kids are still so young.
Secondly, I can relate. But since I'm older than you, and came out on the other side of 50, it's bittersweet. Because while I call this my "self discovery era" I wonder what I could have done if I had come out when I was younger.
I might have kids with one of my gay besties, if I'd known that there wasn't a future romantic relationship that could be wrecked by that decision. (Then again, the one I met when I was 42 would have made an infinitely better father than the one I met when I was 50.)
Then there's the practical and morbid stuff, like how I would approach things like estate planning and final arrangements and wills, which I always assumed would change once I had a husband.
Still, it's my self discovery era and I'm finding this part of my life much more rich and fulfilling than the earlier part of my life.
Thank you for sharing this, I needed to read it! I'm earlier in my life-journey, but ending my 20s still feels like a threshold, and this piece gave me a lot to reflect on and consider: if this time is finite, how do I want to use it? What do I want to be able to look back and say that I did, or that I focused on? You've distilled so much truth into a sticky note -- I saved down those words as a reminder to myself.
And in terms of what you've done so far, don't discount how you've inspired and enabled generations of aspec people to understand and celebrate their identity - given us guidebooks, a forum and a community that quite literally did not exist. I can speak to the huge impact that's made on my life and I know I'm not alone!
I really enjoyed this piece and touches on a theme I cover in an essay I just wrote—the fact that while you can start over in midlife, it's not as easy as doing so in Act I. At 40, I too still question what I want to be when I grow up. I thought I would have it all figured out by now and it's reassuring to see people older than I still don't. We're not old, there's still a lot to look forward to, sure, but I really can't stand the toxic positivity of some people who insist that "it's not too late" because for some things, yes, it is.
This resonates with me, now that I'm disabled and in my fifties. A friend my age had Parkinson's & passed away last year. My awareness of mortality, including my own, has been acute since then. I still have ao much to write.
My 50th birthday was in 2020--during the pandemic, social distancing, and terrible air quality due to wilderness fires. I didn't have a party. That's the only year I've special ordered a birthday cake for myself.
It’s a weird feeling , I had so much going on the year I turned 50 it was just another birthday. It was a sort of trigger but for me in a good way. I realised that I really could choose to do what I wanted, things that added value to me for my future.
I took up sailing again, I’d not done that since I was in my early 20’s, I started on a pathway to use that towards my plan when I retire to teach sailing to children in care.
It’s a completely different career to what I’ve spent most of my working life doing as a Business Manager, I got as senior as was possible but it doesn’t add any joy to my life.
I also plan to run a 2 day Ultra Marathon next year, 20 years ago I was told I’d never manage to run a Marathon, let along 100k. Well I did two of those a couple of years ago.
As you say, we have limited time here which becomes more vivid the older we get. We need to fit in more. If we have dreams we should give them a try, I think the urgency can give us more power too.
I relate to most of these feelings and love how clearly you articulated all of it, even though I'm only a 35 year old woman because as someone who wants to be a foster and adoptive parent and who works as a non-religious funeral celebrant I'm well aware only people who are lucky live to twice my age, and even a handful of my own ancestors died in their 50s from heart attacks including my own mother. Time being limited is a constant thing on my mind and people telling me there's no biological clock for parenthood if I'm not trying to get pregnant feel wrong to me -- i don't want to be on the brink of death while my kids are still so young.
Wonderful post. And happy 49th birthday!
Hi friend, first of all, happy birthday.
Secondly, I can relate. But since I'm older than you, and came out on the other side of 50, it's bittersweet. Because while I call this my "self discovery era" I wonder what I could have done if I had come out when I was younger.
I might have kids with one of my gay besties, if I'd known that there wasn't a future romantic relationship that could be wrecked by that decision. (Then again, the one I met when I was 42 would have made an infinitely better father than the one I met when I was 50.)
Then there's the practical and morbid stuff, like how I would approach things like estate planning and final arrangements and wills, which I always assumed would change once I had a husband.
Still, it's my self discovery era and I'm finding this part of my life much more rich and fulfilling than the earlier part of my life.
Thank you for sharing this, I needed to read it! I'm earlier in my life-journey, but ending my 20s still feels like a threshold, and this piece gave me a lot to reflect on and consider: if this time is finite, how do I want to use it? What do I want to be able to look back and say that I did, or that I focused on? You've distilled so much truth into a sticky note -- I saved down those words as a reminder to myself.
And in terms of what you've done so far, don't discount how you've inspired and enabled generations of aspec people to understand and celebrate their identity - given us guidebooks, a forum and a community that quite literally did not exist. I can speak to the huge impact that's made on my life and I know I'm not alone!
I really enjoyed this piece and touches on a theme I cover in an essay I just wrote—the fact that while you can start over in midlife, it's not as easy as doing so in Act I. At 40, I too still question what I want to be when I grow up. I thought I would have it all figured out by now and it's reassuring to see people older than I still don't. We're not old, there's still a lot to look forward to, sure, but I really can't stand the toxic positivity of some people who insist that "it's not too late" because for some things, yes, it is.
Happy birthday!
This resonates with me, now that I'm disabled and in my fifties. A friend my age had Parkinson's & passed away last year. My awareness of mortality, including my own, has been acute since then. I still have ao much to write.
My 50th birthday was in 2020--during the pandemic, social distancing, and terrible air quality due to wilderness fires. I didn't have a party. That's the only year I've special ordered a birthday cake for myself.
Oh, yeah--also: Happy birthday!
1) Happy 49th Birthday, Cody! :D
2) DAMN, this hit for me as someone who's 28.