The message I receive isn’t unfamiliar: Hi. I’ve been questioning myself lately, and I think I might be asexual. I relate a lot to the content you make about it, but I don’t think I totally fit the definition. And I don’t want to call myself ace if I’m not really ace. But I don’t know what I’d be if I’m not. It’s confusing, and I don’t know what to do. How do you know for sure that you’re ace, so I don’t get it wrong?
I’m a 52-year-old woman who has only figured out in the last year that I’m aroace. It absolutely makes my life make so much sense, but also some part of me continues to question the identity because it seems almost too simple — was this really it all along?
To be clear, it sure was this all along. I remember telling people when I was a kid that I’d like to have kids but I never wanted to get married. And for years I didn’t know why I wouldn’t just “put myself out there more” to find a romantic partner. I really didn’t want one but couldn’t admit that to myself or anyone else.
Doubting myself or having anyone else doubt me because I happen to have a libido is just not helpful at this point.
Yeah, this could be me. I've heard from some people, including an ace YouTuber, saying that demisexuals are really a type of allo rather than a type of ace. I already have some imposter syndrome that's hard to kick without them reinforcing it. To their minds, the fact that I feel & act allo with my husband negates the fact that he's the _only_ person I've ever met who appeals to me, and even with him, it took a year of friendship, then falling in love with him before I wanted to so much as to kiss him.
I’m a 52-year-old woman who has only figured out in the last year that I’m aroace. It absolutely makes my life make so much sense, but also some part of me continues to question the identity because it seems almost too simple — was this really it all along?
To be clear, it sure was this all along. I remember telling people when I was a kid that I’d like to have kids but I never wanted to get married. And for years I didn’t know why I wouldn’t just “put myself out there more” to find a romantic partner. I really didn’t want one but couldn’t admit that to myself or anyone else.
Doubting myself or having anyone else doubt me because I happen to have a libido is just not helpful at this point.
Yeah, this could be me. I've heard from some people, including an ace YouTuber, saying that demisexuals are really a type of allo rather than a type of ace. I already have some imposter syndrome that's hard to kick without them reinforcing it. To their minds, the fact that I feel & act allo with my husband negates the fact that he's the _only_ person I've ever met who appeals to me, and even with him, it took a year of friendship, then falling in love with him before I wanted to so much as to kiss him.
Demisexuality is not a type of allosexuality. I get so frustrated when people push that notion. The “purity aces” are the worst.